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The American I
guess the first question to be asked is, ‘how did George Clooney get
involved with a film as dreadful as “The American.”’ I’m sure there’s an answer
somewhere, maybe something to do with blackmail, or a threat to his children
(does he have children? I don’t
know) or something equally bad, or maybe that really wasn’t George
Clooney up there on the screen after all; maybe it was some clone or other,
someone who just happens to look like Clooney. I don’t know, and frankly I
don’t care. We
meet Clooney, variously known as Jack or Edward (I’m not kidding), who
is apparently an American assassin.
He’s relaxing by a frozen lake with a woman who has been dressed
by the same person who dressed women for the Bond films. In other words, she’s wearing
something totally inappropriate for winter in Sweden. They go for a walk when, boom boom, shots ring out. Clooney pulls his pistol out, shoots
the two assassins, tells his lady to call the cops, and when she turns around
he shoots her too. Cut
to Italy, where Clooney’s controller tells him to go to a small town in
the Abruzzo – “and don’t make
friends.” Clooney goes to
another town, visits the town whorehouse where he meets Clara, who works
there, and slowly falls in love with her. But wait. At the same time he has an English
client who wants Clooney to make her a very special kind of rifle, which
evidently can only be made by hand.
Making and delivering the rifle seems to take up about a half-hour of
the film’s running time, but at last it’s done. Meanwhile Clooney and Clara decided to
get away from it all, but then there’s that damn rifle again. What will it be
used for? Rather than give it
away, I will refer you to the ending of “Children of God,” which
this is a direct steal from. As
I say, how did George Clooney get roped into “The American.” It’s a mystery. |