Nicolas Cage, Mark Strong





Let’s see:  An eleven-year-old girl uses the F-word, and even the C-word – I guess that should be C-words.  Is it funny to see an eleven-year-old using those words?  Well, maybe the first time, and maybe if “Kick-Ass” was, say, a parody, or at least funnier than it is.  But this film, which I’ll assume started out as a parody of some sort, perhaps of the comic book it’s taken from, is built in part around an 11-year-old girl named Hit Girl, otherwise known as Mindy – played by then-11-year-old Chloe Grace Moretz, who as Hit Girl manages to kill almost as many bad guys as Uma Thurman does in “Kill Bill.”


“Kick-Ass” is the latest in a series of R-rated films, and they are definitely R-rated, for language and violence that have been made from comic books.  In this case, a high-school nerd named Dave, who can’t even get a girl to look at him, decides to be a superhero named Kick-Ass, and bring justice to the city.  But of course he gets beat up for his troubles.  Meanwhile, Mindy or Hit-Girl is being raised by her widowed father, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) in an apartment whose wall decor is nothing but pistols and semi-automatic rifles.  We meet them when her father wants to test a new Kevlar vest and shoots Mindy to see how it works.  It works, or else we wouldn’t have a movie.


Is this funny?  Maybe it’s me, but It gets worse.  Hit Girl and Kick Ass end up pursuing an evil man named Frank D’Amico, played by Mark Strong, the actor who was the only good thing about “Sherlock Holmes.”  But on the way to get him they torch his warehouse, immolating about twenty-five of his men and shooting the rest, then Hit Girl and Kick-Ass attack Strong in his office tower and kill another twenty-five of his men while hardly getting scratched.  Well, that’s not quite true; Kick-Ass does get beaten around a bit, and so does Hit-Girl.  Did I leave anything out?  Yes, how could I forget?  You can watch Big Daddy getting burned to death, on screen, and if you will promise me that you won’t ever see this film, I can tell you that the big ending is that the evil Mark Strong is propelled out across Manhattan at the end of the film by means of a bazooka shell.  I don’t kid about things like this.