The Matrix Revolutions
"Everything that has a beginning has an end," is a line that's repeated a number of times in "The Matrix Revolutions," no doubt to let us know the Wachowski brothers are au courant in metaphysics. Well, yes it does, and it comes none too soon, particularly if you've been sitting through all two hours and 9 minutes of this impenetrable morass of a film. I counted four different villains, who seem to have nothing to do with each other, plus an enormous army of flying metallic octopi that keep attacking poor Zion, which is where the good people live, though how they eat, drink or do anything at all is another mystery that hasn't been solved in three movies. I do remember the mosh pit from "Reloaded," though, but now there's no time for fun. We're under attack, as some big borers are on their way through the ceiling, and God help us if they break through.
"The Matrix Revolutions" is the climactic, if that's not too strong a word, episode in the trilogy. It tells of what an evangelical Christian might call the End Days. Certainly it is Armageddon, though exactly how or why that is went right over my head. As did a great deal else; I'm not the best interpreter of this film. No matter; the fight's the thing, and I did at least understand that people and objects were doing battle with each other. The old gang is back, of course, though poor Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus seems to be packing a lot more weight than he used to. In fact he's only shot from the shoulders up, no doubt to save him embarrassment. Keanu Reeves, catatonic as ever, has been given only three-word sentences to speak, which is a help for those of us who have to listen to this master of the monotone. Only Carrie-Anne Moss, as Trinity, seems to have some life to her. In fact the dialogue in the film is something of a problem for anyone who's accustomed to hearing English spoken. I jotted down some samples of the dialogue:
"We must destroy or disable the dickers at the dock." I'm not sure about the dickers, but you get the idea. "There's something I have to say." "There's something I have to say." "There's something I have to say." Said a few times by Commander Lock. "What in zee hell--! " Said by Merovingian. (Neo has just had his eyes burned out.) Trinity says: "Oh no! Your eyes!" Neo says: "I'll be okay." Also: "You did it!" "No. WE did it."
And there's more. There's Captain Mifune; get it? There are the two women soldiers who seem to be wearing leftover costumes from "Girlfight," taking on a humongous machine with their grenade launcher; and the young man who says to his heroic, dying captain that he's scared: "I didn't finish my training!" he cries. "Neither did I," says the captain, and dies. There's Neo in his black platform heels and his duster; you want him to do the tango. There are the giant walking weapons used by the people of Zion that seem to have been lent to the film by George Lucas as leftovers from the Ice Planet. And - close your eyes here if you don't want to know this - as Trinity lies dying with three enormous lengths of rebar drilled through her body (You thought she would live to grow old with Neo?! Silly you.) she has the peaceful expression of one who's just taken Midol for a mild attack of cramps.
There's the Oracle making chocolate chip cookies with a little Indian girl, the child of two programs (not programmers, programs). There's another endless fight between Neo and Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving), this time mano à mano in the rain. I'm not quite sure about this, but after taking a hell of a pasting from Weaving, Reeves seems to focus on a great golden cross in the sky, and suddenly Weaving and his clones begin flashing lights from within and cracking into a million pieces, and before you can say "Everything that has a beginning has an end," it does.