Entrapment

'Entrapment' is the kind of film that comes out of what you might call the weight-loss spa. It's so light, it floats so far above reality or any kind of grounding, that it more resembles a Roadrunner cartoon than a real film. Even its protagonists' stunts -- and the film is built on them -- seem to be the product of the old Warner Brothers cartoon stable as well.

Maybe -- just maybe -- somebody like Jackie Chan could carry them off. But Sean Connery? And mini-star Catherine Zeta-Jones? It's not going to be easy to describe this film, but as Jimmy Kimmel says, let's begin. The film opens with the daring theft of a Rembrandt from a secure office in a New York skyscraper, in which the thief drops forty stories from the roof of the building, in order to -- oh, you don't really want to know. Zeta-Jones, an experienced insurance investigator, natch, persuades her boss, played by lockjawed actor Will Patton, that it was done by legendary art thief Connery, and that the way to break the case is to let her worm her way into Connery's life and theft plans. Which she does. End of part one.

In part two, which takes place one day later, she and Connery are cozily ensconced at the castle, planning the theft of a Chinese mask from an exhibit at another castle, a little deal that requires Z-J to contort herself like a pretzel to avoid the net of laser alarm beams around the room with the mask. Hey, no problemo. At this point we also meet Ving Rhames, Mr. Mysterioso, who may or may not be Connery's silent partner. Oh, and did I tell you that, duh, Z-J herself may not be what she purports to be? It's true.

But don't sweat it, because a day or two later we're off to Kuala Lumpur, where Z-J has bigger fish to fry, namely the theft of eight billion dollars from Bill Gates. No, I mean the World Bank of something-or-other, said theft to take place at the stroke of the new millenium. And I will point out that the film's reality is not exactly enhanced by the fact that everything I've told you so far has taken place in the span of sixteen days, leading up to the notorious Y2K moment when the master theft, so to speak, will be attempted.

Which it is, because the bank is located in the middle of the twin peaks of Kuala Lumpur, the tallest double building in the world, and -- talk about your athleticism! -- Connery and Z-J do stunts that even the Roadrunner in his prime couldn't do. Do they get away with it? Is the Pope Polish?